i’m free like the birds and the wind and the rocks in my whiskey
sat there, frolicked in our memories
you never needed me, unpleasing but our conversation brought easing
asked you everything, my mind – all the lines
surgery, the cancer all the thoughts i perceived
i believed plenty, squeezed tightly
always knew the end would bring lightning
that the fires would consume me
under the maple tree, always thought
always fought with demons that resembled you
the blue, the dark, colors of the eve
wipe my tears with my sleeve
ask myself why you never needed me
but time flies and i shouldn’t cry in my prime
especially about things that aren’t mine
i flip my dime, always a fucking why
the war in my mind, the thoughts confined
but we sit down for lunch, talk about moments
that maybe we were supposed to meet and in the future, once again
“in the future when the idea of relationship sounds pleasing”
we agreed, then maybe you’ll need me
but maybe i won’t need you
i’ll look at the blue, laugh and agree
i said i would’ve loved you as an amputee
but life at sea, i can’t wait for you to need me
how i mentioned the cemetery – dark crystal
you smile, “that’s right, we never saw that”
but i hold my bat like you held your baton
how i laid at dawn and all those times i sat past gone
you tell me about your recent ex
asked if it was just me?
tell me it wasn’t and apologize profusely
i know you feel awful, but you only have half the knowledge
broken promises and broken wine glasses
again about moments, how i sat frozen
you said, “i’m here” and i just sat and said, “i know”
but i miss looking at you so let me take this
“you know how i always loved to sit and watch you”
your scent, your smell still lingers hours later
now i’m in the amphitheater telling you about the water
how days got hotter and hotter and how there was never snow
a dollar for every time i smiled and said, “i know”
yet words can’t come and now everything’s a hum
but he tells me i’m with my emotions and i know he’s not
that i was caught and at the time life was shot
i agree, i can see – i understand
but at the end, the car we stand
i hand him a few dvds, a smile in return
i look up, say a few words and set my bat
“–but more importantly, you taught me i can love someone else a whole lot more than i love myself, so i wanted to thank you for that”
and as he drives away, i think back and agree
i would have loved him as an amputee